2nd

damn. coffee, mingus and a weeknight. 2 of which i almost never keep in the house anymore. all i need at this point is cedric in the corner discussing new ways to shoot with his lomo camera and rachel loitering while studying italian at the same table for this to feel like stomping grounds back in Ames.

what am i writing about this time? trying to understand my emotional unrest. it's been ages since i touched this thing, but it's still the same topic. Post-reconciliation with Mina about her past, the storm drew out things i'm still figuring out. Grandpa's death is one most def. I think the rest is a mix of not dealing with things in the past 3 years because i didn't have good enough freinds or no freinds to deal thru it at the time, stress about success, and my relationship with Mina. The more undecipherable and abstract things are dealing with Mina's past and how I out-proccess it and move on, as well as sorting out the extremely unpredictable future of mine regarding my career path, and my future with Mina...something i try to take one step at a time.

It's still abstract with the pain and mourning regarding her past and how that relates to us. She is who she is now and thats' that. I guess what I have to get over is thinking of how she was physically with the past people. Am I jealous? Or just over analyzing? writer's block!